I’m a disabled mother of three, formerly a children’s tv researcher.

Whilst discussing the Stuebenville rape case with friends – and especially the reactions of the boys and their families in court – I began to wonder how these young men could honestly think that what they did wasn’t sexual abuse? How could their families respond as though they were the victims of the law? I was shocked by the level of denial in the community. That led to a group of us discussing how we are parenting our teens. Were we actually being firm and clear in teaching our children what consent actually is and isn’t? I wasn’t convinced that we were really doing any better if we didn’t spell it out explicitly. I mentioned that I was going to think this over and write a letter to my children that they could read in their own time and as often as they wished. So I did. A couple of close friends asked if they could see them when they were done. I said that was up to the kids. After their approval, I posted it on my private facebook page to a handful of friends. All of them expressed the wish to share it with others. I didn’t want to share from my facebook account, so made a blog just to post the letter in a way that could be linked to by others. It sort of snowballed from there…


Society is us. If we are upset that society teaches ’don’t get raped’ rather than teaching real consent, we need to be the change we want to see.